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Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad:

    Why the hell did you put a comma there?

  • Dad:

    Do you even know what a participial phrase is?

  • Dad:

    Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.

  • Dad:

    Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?

  • Dad:

    Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.

  • Dad:

    Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.

  • Dad:

    I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.

  • Dad:

    Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.

  • Dad:

    Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.

  • Dad:

    Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.

  • Dad:

    It's like you didn't read the fucking book.

  • Dad:

    Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.

  • Dad:

    *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*

  • Dad:

    My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.

  • Dad:

    Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...

  • Dad:

    Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.

  • Dad:

    I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.

  • Dad:

    Fuck the government.

  • Dad:

    Fuck the school board.

  • Dad:

    Close the door.

  • Dad:

    Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.

  • Dad:

    I love puns.

  • Dad:

    People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.

  • Dad:

    Please shut up.

  • Dad:

    Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.

  • Dad:

    I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.

  • Dad:

    I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.

  • Dad:

    You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.

  • Dad:

    Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.

  • Dad:

    I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.

  • Dad:

    If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.

  • Dad:

    They act like I care what they think.

  • Dad:

    I hate homework.

  • Dad:

    I have decided to become a politician.

  • Dad:

    What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

helioscentrifuge:

goldeentail:

i-wonder-whats-for-dinner:

xchickengirlx:

clavid:

Is Mario ok

Mario is reflecting on life. Wondering why there is so much fighting and bloodshed. Having to fight people like his brother and lover on the battlefield, and getting his ass handed to him on a regular basis

It’s too much.  His spirit has broken

this is it this is my favorite post on all of tumblr nothing will ever defeat this post

why is peach orange

that’s daisy you fucking heretic

andythanfiction:

teslaandhispigeon:

Can we please just tell every middle schooler this instead of making them feel embarrassed by their existence and their need to try new things? It would be much nicer to hear this through middle school and high school than it is to hear about how dumb your phase or whatever is and how much you’ll regret it in a year.

Damn, every time I see this go by my dash, it has, like, 10K more notes.  I’m awed by how much it seems to have meant to so many people, and incredibly moved to see so many notes saying that this has mattered.

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